Friday, July 8, 2011

08/07 5 Signs That Your Girlfriend Isn’t The One

riday, July 8th, 2011 | View Comments

It’s not always easy to admit that your girlfriend isn’t right for you. So before you accidentally marry her, look for these 5 telltale signs.
By Jen Kim
Figuring out that your girlfriend isn’t the one sounds like it should be a no-brainer. But think about it: People get divorced all the time, so plenty of dudes get it wrong. Plus, every guy has a buddy who’s been dating an awful she-beast for years. (And the same is true for women dating terrible dudes.)
So clearly, it’s not necessarily easy to admit to yourself that your girlfriend isn’t the one. But there are telltale signs that can give you an idea that your relationship isn’t heading anywhere — or that it shouldn’t be heading anywhere.
1. SHE’S AMAZING — BUT YOU STILL CAN’T COMMITShe’s smart, sexy, and doesn’t get mad when you go to grab a quick drink with your friends and accidentally road trip to Atlantic City on a three-day bender. What a gal! And yet even though you know she’s “perfect,” you can’t visualize yourself with her forever. It’s what psychotherapist Ken Page calls “the wave of distancing,” and it’s pretty common. “You’re with somebody who’s decent, kind, and available — and yet you get bored, judgmental, and annoyed,” he says. “So take a step back and let the wave pass.” Good advice — unless, of course, the “wave” lasts for six months. Then it’s probably not a wave, and either this relationship isn’t right, or you’re not ready for any relationship.
2. YOUR SEX LIFE IS LOUSYIt’s surprisingly easy to tell yourself that a less-than-enjoyable sex life is okay if everything else about your partner and relationship is great. After all, it’d be superficial and shallow to put so much emphasis on sex, right? Hell no. In fact, a recent study found that couples in secure and happy relationships have better sex lives than those in insecure, ambivalent, or detached relationships. In other words, a satisfying sex life is a key part of a good relationship.

3. YOU FEEL GUILTY ALL THE TIMEUnless you’re truly an awful person, you shouldn’t feel like the bad guy all the time. So if you’re always made to feel like you’re doing something wrong, the real issue is probably either that the two of you are incompatible, or that she has some major issues of her own. Even when you’re made to feel lousy all the time, the thought of ending things can make you feel even more lousy, because she’s cast you as the bad guy. But that’s just going to breed resentment.
4. YOU CAN’T DO NOTHING WITH HERAfter the newness of the getting-to-know-you and getting-to-see-you-naked stage fades, the relationship will center on how well you two get along just sharing space and time together. And if doing nothing with her feels like you’re serving hard time, that’s, uh, not so great.
5. YOUR FRIENDS AREN’T FANSEven if your friends have horrible taste in movies, music, or people they date, Page says they’ll have a pretty good idea of whether or not she’s good for you. And if they don’t get along with her — or if she can’t stand them — you probably have some serious issues. You can probably sense how they feel about each other, but if you’re not sure, ask a few who’ll be relatively impartial. “Listen to what your friends have to say when you ask their opinion,” he says. “Just don’t let their analysis of your situation be your only basis for breaking it off.” In other words, it should just confirm what you already knew deep down.

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