Thursday, January 20th, 2011 | Comments(43)
How do you convince a woman to have a No Strings Attached, sex-without-commitment relationship with you? Excellent question. So we asked a woman to give us the answers.
By Alexandra Foster
And that’s because it is.
The whole friends with benefits thing (or FWB as they call it on the streets) simply can’t work long-term. Eventually, one person is going to start getting emotionally involved — and yes, it’ll probably be the girl because that’s what girls do. That said, if you know what you’re doing you can carry on a FWB relationship for a little while, and even end it without losing the friend entirely. And I’m going to tell you how to do that.
No need to thank me. That’s what friends are for.
Choose Her Wisely
Like I said, chances are that things between the two of you are not going to work out, so you need to be prepared to one day lose this friend entirely. That means you should probably rule out any girls with whom you’re currently very close. There is no perfect candidate; maybe she’s a friend of friends, or maybe she’s just someone you meet at a bar. Regardless, there are a few things to remember. First, make sure your FWB is as happily single as you are; if she’s desperate to be in a relationship, she is not the one for you. Second, make sure you’re extremely attracted to her. It sounds like a no-brainer, but that’s what this relationship is all about, right? So her being a sweet girl or liking the same kinds of movies as you doesn’t really matter.
Set The Ground Rules Immediately
You need to communicate from the beginning to make sure that you’re both on the same page. If there’s discussion before you launch into things — in other words, before the second time that you sleep together — then she can’t get mad when things don’t turn into something more. (Well, she can get mad, but at least you’ll know you aren’t at fault … this time.) I’m not suggesting you blurt out, “I just want to sleep with you. I don’t want to take you out to dinner” as you’re removing her underwear. Instead, make a comment when you’re not in the middle of making out that lets her know where you stand. Something like: “Listen, you’re awesome, and I’m clearly super attracted to you. But I’m not looking for anything serious. I wanted to let you know before anything happens.” If she’s on the same page, set the ground rules. I’m not going to tell you what those ground rules should be because you may be fine with bringing your FWB to parties or talking sporadically during the week, while other dudes would never do those things. Just figure out what you’re both comfortable with and set those rules before things heat up.
Now, Actually Play By Those Rules
There’s a point to setting ground rules. And, unlike the rule that determined how long my uniform skirt had to be when I went to private school, they shouldn’t be broken. If you agree to not go on dates together and to not get jealous when the other person goes on dates, that’s great … as long as you don’t all of a sudden ask her out to dinner on a Friday night or get mad if you see her out with another guy. And if you decide that this is a no-strings-attached relationship, don’t lead her on. “Disclosing your situation and what you want is really the key,” says Irina Firstein, who’s been a relationship therapist in New York City for more than 20 years. “Guys have to understand that words are important to women. Sometimes guys say something in the heat of the moment, and women then cling to that.”
Remember That She Thinks Differently
You know what sounds easy to me? Finding a hot guy who would be a great FWB, setting the rules, and following them. In fact, just typing that makes me want to go out right now and find a FWB. But deep down I know it wouldn’t be that easy for me. “Women often agree to the friends with benefits thing hoping that it’ll turn into something else,” Firstein says. “What they don’t understand is that, most of the time, it’s not going to turn into anything.” I’m a pretty hot, fairly intelligent, fun-to-be-around girl with a good sense of humor. [It’s true.—Ed.] Especially when compared to many of the weirdo women I’ve met thus far in my life, I’d say I’m a catch. I say all this not to brag, but to illustrate how insane I could end up being in a FWB situation: I would think that, if I’m such a catch, why wouldn’t my FWB want to take things to the next level? And that’s what a lot of girls will think. So, even though she may be acting like she’s capable of being all Natalie Portman in No Strings Attached, she may secretly be all Ashton Kutcher about it. Er, sorry if that created an unsettling visual.
Know When And How To End It
Like I said, your FWB experience will eventually come to a close. “Ending things with her is the right thing to do if you think she’s developing feelings or is getting hurt,” Firstein says. If you don’t do it, you’re just dooming yourself to a nuclear explosion of rage from her or a long, drawn-out drama. “How you decide to end things should depend on her needs. Some women need closure and will need an explanation as to why you want things to end, while other women are more capable of reading between the lines.” If you decide that she needs that kind of closure, explain to her that it’s been fun, but that you’re concerned that it’s not really headed in the direction you’d originally discussed. With luck, your honesty will be rewarded and you can still keep the friend — even though you’ve gotten rid of the benefits.
Comments
March 7th, 2011 at 9:21 pm
Big Job Site…
[...]while the sites we link to below are completely unrelated to ours, we think they are worth a read, so have a look[...]…
March 9th, 2011 at 2:41 pm
…
[...]here are some links to sites that we link to because we think they are worth visiting[...]…
March 9th, 2011 at 2:55 pm
Double strollers…
[...]the time to read or visit the content or sites we have linked to below the[...]…
March 10th, 2011 at 1:10 am
Buy Facebook Fans…
[...]just below, are some totally unrelated sites to ours, however, they are definitely worth checking out[...]…
March 10th, 2011 at 4:04 am
ABC News…
[...] in there are various the url to the niche sites in which presume you can explore [...]…
March 10th, 2011 at 8:20 am
Steve’s Tech Site…
[...]despite the fact that the web-sites we link to directly below are absolutely not related to ours, we believe they are well worth a read, so have a look[...]…
March 10th, 2011 at 4:45 pm
Travel Offers…
[...]all of these sites could not necessarily be absolutely relevant with our website however we unquestionably feel you all should certainly explore all of them[...]…
March 10th, 2011 at 4:47 pm
[...]below you’ll find the link to some sites that we think you should visit[...]…
[...]here are some links to sites that we link to because we think they are worth visiting[...]…
March 11th, 2011 at 12:35 am
LED Bulbs Saves Money…
[...]listed below are some hyperlinks to web pages that we link to due to the fact we consider they’re truly worth visiting[...]…
March 11th, 2011 at 4:53 am
Indie Films Online States It is An Incredible Piece Of Writing Keep It Up…
In your own time try to read this some might be of appeal to you too! fyi did you hear the latest on Tunisia has now got more difficulties also ……
March 11th, 2011 at 4:18 pm
First student loan…
[...]just below, are some totally unrelated sites to ours, however, they are definitely worth checking out[...]…
March 12th, 2011 at 2:15 am
Flax Seeds Benefit…
[...] below you’ll find the link to some sites that we think you should visit. Posted in [...]…
March 12th, 2011 at 3:11 am
1.) Home Security…
2.) [...]here are some links to sites that we link to because we think they are worth visiting[...]…
March 12th, 2011 at 9:34 am
Official Colon Cleanse…
[...]here are some links to sites that we link to because we think they are worth visiting[...]…
March 12th, 2011 at 12:10 pm
1.) Security…
2.) [...]below you’ll find the link to some sites that we think you should visit[...]…
March 12th, 2011 at 12:48 pm
Weight Loss Help Online…
[...]below exist several hyperlinks to places that we link to because we believe they are worth reading[...]…
March 12th, 2011 at 12:57 pm
Games For Girls…
[...]here are some links to sites that we link to because we think they are worth visiting[...]…
March 12th, 2011 at 4:35 pm
Discount Yankee Candles…
[...]while the sites we link to below are completely unrelated to ours, we think they are worth a read, so have a look[...]…
March 12th, 2011 at 6:21 pm
1.) Business Security…
2.) [...]haha this was one funny post. I laughed when I read it.[...]…
March 12th, 2011 at 9:37 pm
Flash Web Site Design Tells You It’s A Great Write-up Cool…
Perfect post, reckoned we could add several unrelated data, but still worth looking!!!…
March 13th, 2011 at 11:50 am
Learn About Wrinkle Cream…
[...]the time to read or visit the content or sites we have linked to below the[...]…
March 13th, 2011 at 5:11 pm
Check These Sites Out…
[...]here’s a list of some great places to visit on the web. This one is one of[...]…
March 13th, 2011 at 6:11 pm
Taylor Armstrong Tells You It’s A Great Write-up Cool…
Excellent post thought I would add a few unrelated info, although really worth looking….
March 13th, 2011 at 9:03 pm
Smoked Salmon Gift Baskets…
[...]while the sites we link to below are completely unrelated to ours, we think they are worth a read, so have a look[...]…
March 13th, 2011 at 9:55 pm
You Might Like This Site…
[...]below you’ll find the link to some sites that we think you should visit[...]…
March 14th, 2011 at 2:26 am
Wedding Speeches…
[...]the time to read or visit the content or sites we have linked to below the[...]…
March 14th, 2011 at 1:46 pm
margarita machine or a blender…
[...]the time to read or visit the content or sites we have linked to below the[...]…
March 14th, 2011 at 3:17 pm
Rob Rasner Says It’s An Incredible Article Cool!…
[...] Neat news; thought we would add several unrelated posts, but still worth taking a look!!! [...]…
March 14th, 2011 at 9:12 pm
Sensa Reviews and Information…
[...]the time to read or visit the content or sites we have linked to below the[...]…
March 15th, 2011 at 1:01 am
diapers…
[...]here are some links to some sites that we think you should visit[...]…
March 15th, 2011 at 10:19 am
Healthe Trim…
[...]here are some links to sites that we link to because we think they are worth visiting[...]…
March 15th, 2011 at 3:16 pm
Colon Cleanse Review Site…
[...]while the sites we link to below are completely unrelated to ours, we think they are worth a read, so have a look[...]…
March 15th, 2011 at 4:13 pm
SEO Service…
[...]here are some links to sites that we link to because we think they are worth visiting[...]…
March 15th, 2011 at 5:45 pm
portable air conditioning units walmart…
[...]while the sites we link to below are completely unrelated to ours, we think they are worth a read, so have a look[...]…
March 16th, 2011 at 1:11 am
Buy Facebook Fans…
[...]here are some links to sites that we link to because we think they are worth visiting[...]…
March 16th, 2011 at 2:39 am
Russell Armstrong States It is An Incredible Piece Of Writing…
[...] Take some time to read this they might be appeal to you too… fyi have one read about Bahrain now has extra troubles also
[...]…
March 16th, 2011 at 8:43 am
[...]below you’ll find the link to some sites that we think you should visit[...]…
[...]here are some links to sites that we link to because we think they are worth visiting[...]…
March 16th, 2011 at 12:34 pm
hostgator coupons…
[...] the time to read or go to the content or websites we have linked to below the [...]…
March 16th, 2011 at 6:20 pm
Direct Download Movies…
[...]while the sites we link to below are completely unrelated to ours, we think they are worth a read, so have a look[...]…
March 16th, 2011 at 6:28 pm
Fantastic Website…
[...]below you’ll find the link to some sites that we think you should visit[...]…
March 16th, 2011 at 7:35 pm
how to get ripped…
[...]we like to honor other sites on the web, even if they aren’t related to us, by linking to them. Below are some sites worth checking out[...]…
March 16th, 2011 at 10:16 pm
[...]below you’ll find the link to some sites that we think you should visit[...]…
[...]here are some links to sites that we link to because we think they are worth visiting[...]…
March 17th, 2011 at 3:24 pm
Travel Offers…
[...]These following web-sites really are many web-sites that interested our own management, therefore be sure to see them[...]…