Monday, December 13th, 2010
You’ve made these dating mistakes — it’s just that women have been too busy rolling their eyes at you to point them out. Until now.
By Alida Nugent
As a slighly-insane-but-decently-hot-with-makeup female with no criminal record and a hankering for ’90s action films, I shouldn’t be single. But I am, and I am single because you are clueless.Sure, you’re able to iron your button-downs and step out freshly shaved on a Friday night. But you’re also a clueless minnow in a sea of girls who are totally willing to make you breakfast in your college sweatshirt if you just text us back. You see, the secret to girls is that we are not all that complicated. (At least not at first. Later we’ll go all crazy and get mad when you don’t buy our favorite mustard brand, but that doesn’t happen till we’re in a relationship.) All you need to do is rethink your approach. Because chances are, you’re doing it wrong.
But it’s okay, because I’m here to tell you what you’re screwing up and how you can fix it. Oh, did I mention how nice you look in that ironed button-down?
MISTAKE #1: BUYING HER A DRINKSidling up to a girl with your wallet clip out and asking, “What’s your poison?” may seem like a really great way to break the ice, but you’re wrong. Sure, us ladies don’t mind getting drunk on your dollar, but you’re missing a prime opportunity to separate yourself from the rest of the bros out there who use the same trick — a trick that can backfire.Basically, when a girl hears a guy offer to buy her a drink, she knows that accepting means an entire drink’s worth of commitment. Which also means that she has to (a) judge you immediately based on your looks alone and (b) decide whether your looks deserve those 15 minutes of gin-soaked banter. There are better ways for you to go about this.
What to do: Buy a drink — for yourself. When you’re halfway done, locate a cute girl who has a relatively full drink herself. Approach and make small talk until you’re both almost empty. If you have enjoyed your conversation with her, and she seems to not want to beat you off with her purse, offer to buy her another drink. Boom! You’ve just invested your money wisely.
MISTAKE # 2: ACTING ALOOFThere was a time when maintaining a semblance of mystery was still possible for a man, but due to the wonders of technology this has basically become impossible. When you meet a girl, she’s going to Facebook and Google you. (Possibly more often than you care to know about.) You cannot hide, so you need to be open — though not so open that you blow your cover and let her know how much of a role your Xbox plays in your social life.What to do: Girls like to be pursued. They like to think that they’re wanted. So do that. But the problem with technology is that it makes us constantly pursuable, so you need to strike a happy medium to avoid finding yourself texting being goaded into texting her 80 times a day. Remember, girls have their phones on them always. They will usually text back. Also, don’t friend her on Facebook right away, and if she friends you, keep your pictures unavailable so she doesn’t see the time you used that girl as a beer stein in college.
MISTAKE #3: CLASSIFYING HER AS A BOOTY CALLYou know the old saying: Why buy the cow when you can have the kitchen counter sex for free? (Well, the saying goes something like that anyway.) I’m sure you don’t have a problem with a woman sleeping with you on a first date, but you probably then classify her as nothing more than a potential booty call. Well, what is this, 1935? Listen: Girls drink, and not only do we enjoy it, it also creates the same desire for sexual activity that it does in you. Nothing like a couple of whiskey sours and some making out at a bar to make a girl do things she didn’t necessarily mean to. However, if the sex was good and not sloppy, or if she was wearing old “I clearly didn’t expect anyone to see these tonight” panties, perhaps you should reconsider writing her off as just a casual hookup.What to do: Go out with her again. If you see potential, keep it to a two drink minimum and avoid another drunken hook-up. If you invite her back to your place (which you will) that’s fine, but at least now you’ll know it’s because you also actually like hanging out with her. You’ll open yourself up to a larger pool for women, and women will stop spending the night after an impromptu hookup eating cookies and getting mad at their sexuality.
MISTAKE #4: DOING DINNER AND A MOVIE“Hey, wanna do an activity where we’re in the dark and aren’t allowed to converse in normal voices for two hours? And I don’t mean sex?” No. No, I don’t. If I wanted to sit and stare at Leo DiCaprio for two hours, I would stay home and watchTitanic. (Which is usually what I do when I’m not out on dates.) So sitting in a crowded theater watching a movie isn’t my idea of a good time.I take that back — it’s a good time when I’m with somebody I already know. Now, to be fair, I think many guys actually be catching on to this. So instead of the movie, you may make a reservation at a Thai restaurant and shove Tom Yum down your throat as you ask the girl about her hobbies. Well, that’s kind of overdone too. Girls watch a lot of romantic comedies, and it’s very rare for a plot to revolve around a series of dinners at ethnic restaurants. Think outside the sushi box!
Solution: Bowling and karaoke. Yeah, they’re pretty standard activities, but you really don’t need to be a whole lot more creative than that. Believe it or not, women want to know what you like to do. It makes us feel like we’re getting to know you on some level that eating a meal does not allow. If you could do whatever you wanted on a Saturday afternoon, what would that be? Let’s do it! But also, ask her what she likes to do. Point is, being creative doesn’t necessarily entail weird The Bachelor-style dates like making pottery while rock climbing. We like simple, casual stuff too.
MISTAKE #5: AVOIDING CONFLICTWhat’s up with treating us like we’re little shell eggs made of the finest spun glass? Listen, you’re not the first guy we’ve ever met who messed us up, and you probably won’t be the last. And we’re not going to lie down and take you ignoring us, breaking our dates, or sneaking around. We will attack you with our talons out, so it’s about time you use logic and common courtesy and just let us know what’s up with you.Solution: Getting sporadic with the phone calls, not responding when we e-mail you, or giving us the old run around is no longer possible (again, technology means we will find you). So you need to suck it up and let us know when you stop being interested or want to see other people. We will confront you if you do not — we will not fade away or silently wait for your reply. And the problem is, we’ll be doubly pissed off and crazy when we do it. (I’m talking caps-lock text messages and lots of hand waving.) Possibly some hitting. We can take rejection — visual aid notwithstanding — but we don’t want to wait around for it.
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